Beast Mode

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Beast Mode

It is time to take care of myself.

It is time to enter the ring.

It is time to fight, to fight for myself. It is time to fight for all the things that I aim for.

It is time for me to wake up and breath.

Today, I’m alive.

Today, I’m older than yesterday.

Today, I’m younger than tomorrow.

Today is a wake up call.

I’m here, in my room typing and typing…

Guess what?

One year from now, I’ll be typing and typing…

Everyday is a new opportunity.

I have the choice to miss it or take it.

I have the choice of my own situation.

The choices I make today will affect my future.

I’m going to take steps everyday no matter if they are small or big.

Everyday, I’m going a step further.

I’m going a step further to my dreams.

I’m going a step further from tomorrow.

I’m going to conquer

I’m going to success

I’m going to fight

I’m going to be a winner

I’m already this and that

I remember all the excuses I made about this and that

People talk about this and that

What does this and that can do with me?

Nothing

Close your eyes

Close your mouth

Close everything

Breath

And now release all the tension

Release all the bullshit

Release everything

Fuck

Fuuck

Fuuuck

Fuuuuck

Fuck all the negativity

Fuck all the people who don’t believe in you

Fuck all the people who putted you down

Fuck al your thoughts that  were saying that you aren’t good enough

Those thoughts can get the fuck out of my mind

Those thoughts can get the fuck out of your mind

Those thoughts aren’t welcome here

Those thoughts? Bitch where?

I’m here for the long run.

I’m here, because it was my choice.

I’m here, because I had a dream.

I’m here, because I’m taking a step further.

I won’t quit

It is not an option

Why would quitting my dream is an option

Why would I even accept failure

I’m doing it for me

I’m doing it for everyone who want to succeed

I’m doing it for everyone who thinks that dreams are just dreams

I’m doing it, because I know it

I believe

I believe that

I believe that I

I believe that I can

Today, I’m turning on beast mode!

– Evolving Vibe

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Ignoring My Crush

Friday, February 19, 2016

Dear James,

I want to apologize for ignoring you the other day.

I’ve had something going on with a guy named James. At first, I saw him and I was like oh no… Am falling in love with someone? He was beginning to invade my head.

Couple weeks after, I didn’t feel the same thing anymore. I felt relieve, but he was still on my mind time to times. This week, when class finished I could tell that he was waiting for me. When I got out he was just behind me and I kind of panicked a little bit, so I began to walk faster and faster. He did the same thing and now he successfully was on my left. Turned to see him, but I didn’t say anything. We were near each other for about 40 secondes, and then he walked in front of me. At the same time, I began to slow down and left a huge gap between us. He arrived at the door and I could tell that he was frustrated from the way he opened the door. Usually, I’m going in the same direction than him, but because of this situation I chose to go in a another direction.

After this, I felt so good. I felt like an independent individual who needs nobody to live. I felt free and in control. But soon, all these feelings began to fade. I had an exam right after the class I had with James. During this exam, I felt bad, I couldn’t stop thinking of James. I couldn’t stop thinking of my behaviour. For a long time, no one was interested in me, and now there’s someone and I just let it go like that.

Sometimes, there’s only one opportunity and I have to grab it or it’ll go. Fortunately, I’ll see him around for couple months. I thought of something to say him the next time. I’ll say to him the following:” Hey James, I want to apologize for ignoring you last Thursday when you were next to me after the class”. I think that’s going to be weird if I say it to him, but whatever. What happens going to happen and if he doesn’t accept my apologies at least he’ll know that I actually care.

Now we are Friday, I’m going to spend it trying to relax without thinking about James.

And if you’re reading this, comment what you think about it. Do you have any advices to give me?

#love

 

Having A Crush On Your Friend’s Crush’s Brother


Yesterday, I took the bus.
I went in the back, and sat face to face at a non identified man. He looked familiar, but at the same time I couldn’t figure out who he was. During the ride, I took several glances towards him and tried to act as natural as possible. Looking back, I probably looked like a freak. When it was almost time for me to get out of the bus, I went towards the back door of the bus and glanced at him again.
Today, I took the bus around the same hour than yesterday.
I usually sit at the back, but in the first row of the back where there’s places of two. I like to locate myself there, because usually when I go in the other rows of the back, there’s always that awkward moment when I don’t know where to stare, because I am face to face with someone else.
Furthermore, there was an empty place located ,where I usually sit, next to an older man. Unfortunately, he putted his sandwich on my usual seat, so I went in the back of the back of the bus. I sat on the last chair located on the right corner of the bus. Next to me(on my left), there was the guy from yesterday, but this time, I was very close to him. Giving a visual, he was less than 1 meter of me. I could see his face, his handsome face. He was very handsome, so handsome that I glanced at him at least 10 times. I tried to act natural and all, but I think that he realized that I was observing him. After a while, a person located very close to me went out of the bus. Guess what? The handsome man changed place and took the seat right next to me. Now, his knees were less than 10cm close to me. He was on my left, so I could just see him if I turned my head completely. So that’s what I did, I looked at him at least 5 times. He was looking at his phone, I think he was watching a movie or something.
Soon, I had to get out of the bus. Surprisingly, he also had to get out. At this moment, a flashback came across my head!
I remember him. He was going in my High School before! He had a brother (which was also really handsome). I remember going in the bus with friends, and there was that one girl, a close friend of mine who was constantly talking about his brother. Now, it was me…
I have a crush on the brother of my friend’s crush.
(Sight…)

Afraid of My Stepfather 

-Being afraid of my stepfather Thursday, February 18, 2016

00:09

It is currently 0:11.

I hear heavy steps going through the bathroom.

I can not move, pretending I’m asleep my heart is beating faster and faster waiting for him to finish and go to bed. When he finishes, he passes by my room again and I don’t hear his steps anymore but hear him breath heavily. For a while, he’s just standing in front of my room in the middle of the night and breathing heavily. I’m waiting for him to go, but he doesn’t. Every second that he is here seems like eternity. After a while, I can hear his footsteps getting towards his rooms and my heart rate begins to slow down.

00:21